The
Emotional
Masking
of Grief
Grief is the master of disguise. It can look like
competence, like humour, like determination. For
me, it often looked like a woman who had it all
together, making phone calls, coordinating
doctors, holding the family steady. People called
me strong. Few saw the quiet unravelling
underneath. That’s what we don’t talk about, how
grief becomes invisible when we get too good at
hiding it.
And yet, in some moments, joy sneaks in like light
through a crack. At my mum’s funeral, someone
told a story that made the whole room erupt in
laughter. It was pure, unfiltered, and for a
moment, we all breathed differently. That laugh
wasn’t a betrayal of our grief, it was a tribute to
her spirit.
The Paradox of Coexisting Emotions
We’re taught to think of feelings as linear: you’re
sad, then you heal. You’re broken, then you mend.
But real life doesn’t move in straight lines. I’ve
cried while reading bedtime stories. I’ve smiled in
waiting rooms. I’ve laughed during heartbreak.
One of the most powerful depictions of this comes
from the film Inside Out. Emotions are personified
with Joy trying desperately to keep things light,
Sadness being treated like a nuisance. But the
truth that emerges is profound: Sadness isn’t the
enemy. She’s necessary. She brings empathy,
connection, truth. Joy learns to step aside and in
that, healing begins.
That’s what I’ve come to believe: our emotional
lives aren’t about choosing one feeling over
another. They’re about honouring the chorus and
letting each voice speak, even when they seem to
contradict.
SHE TALKS | 8