THE COMPLEX
Dance
BETWEEN JOY,
HAPPINESS, AND GRIEF
BY KAREN PERKS
What We Show vs. What We Feel
There’s that kind of smile that doesn’t quite reach
the eyes. I’ve worn it more times than I can count,
that quiet mask we slip on to tell the world, “I’m
fine,” when we’re anything but. In a culture that
rewards resilience and rushes grief, we learn to
perform wellness even as we quietly break inside.
Behind my own smile, I’ve stood at my daughter
Mikayla’s bedside through countless seizures - her
body overwhelmed, lost in the noise of clinical
uncertainty. I smiled for her, for myself, and for
those who didn’t know what to do with my sorrow.
That smile was not a lie, it was survival. This is a
reflection on the nuanced space where joy,
happiness and grief collide, and how we often
confuse one for the other.
Defining the Concepts
We live in a world obsessed with being happy. It’s
stitched into advertising slogans, baked into
Instagram captions, and sold as the end goal of
every product and program. Smile more. Be
grateful. Manifest joy. And don’t get me wrong,
gratitude is powerful. Positivity has its place. But
when happiness becomes a performance, a metric,
a way to prove you’re okay... it
starts to feel more like a trap
than a gift.
Joy, though, is something else. It
lives beneath the surface. It isn’t
about a moment going right, it’s
about meaning rising from the
mess. I’ve felt joy, it didn’t cancel
the fear or fatigue, but it
anchored me. It reminded me
that even in pain, something
beautiful could still take root.
SHE TALKS | 7