At that time in my marriage, I didn’t have the tools I’ve built today. I would get angry or shut down,
overwhelmed by feelings I didn’t know how to process. Drinking became my way of coping, and partying
was my escape—an attempt to numb the pain and forget. I never stood up for myself or set boundaries. I
obeyed or avoided, unable to see a way out. In my mind, I would replay those memories over and over,
rewriting them in a way that gave me courage and strength: I stood up for myself, I left the marriage
sooner, I said no and set boundaries. Those imagined versions of me became a lifeline. Over time, I
stopped running from her and instead embraced her. I spent time with the woman I was then, offering
her compassion and understanding. I gave her what she didn’t have—support and unconditional love. I
let her know that she was doing her best in impossible circumstances and that it was okay.
We are warriors now, I told her. We have come
so far, and we are living a good life. I carry her
with me, tucked in my heart—a piece of all I’ve
endured and a reminder of the strength I’ve
cultivated. She gives me courage for whatever
life may bring.
This journey to self-compassion began with
understanding the dynamics of the
relationship I was in and recognizing the
emotional manipulation and gaslighting that
were ingrained in my experience.
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